[He's stumped, there. Because there's no good answer; do any of them care about each other, anymore? About anything? Snow seems perfectly content to wallow in the hollow decadence he's built up in Yusnaan. Sazh is gone. Hope is gone. And that's the one that hurts most. Hope is gone, disappeared, with no note or reason.
It hurt. More personally and more deeply than Noel was willing to let on.]
... I've got plenty of sense I'd like to shake into some of them, if I had the chance. [Snow could stand a couple of hits. For Hope -- he just wants to know why.] Doesn't matter so much now, though, right? I'm here. They're not.
[He sounds dismissive, like it's no big deal to just shut down a whole reasonable conversation. Which it is; Kazuya makes a reasonable point. Maybe that's why he does it. It's hard to look your mistakes in the eye.
Then, after a sigh, he adds:] You know what? It does feel better. Guess that really is how you deal with this.
[It's clear he's got a lot of problems, and Kazuya doubts that he'd be able to really be able to help with any of them. That being said, just being a sounding board is enough sometimes. Even just to let it out for the sake of helping to cure flowers and vines growing in ones lungs.
Awkwardly enough.]
They weren't kidding about the cure, but I'm glad you feel better. And I hope that maybe you'll get what you need here.
[Closure, or something like it. There's always a chance that whoever it is shows up, and maybe then Noel and whoever can talk about it.]
[Noel is quiet for a second. In part, he resents being forced to open up like this; it's not like he has any little secrets to give away, so whatever he picks lands firmly in the territory of personal stuff. But on the other hand? It's...not bad. Just-- talking.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do more of it.
For now, he lets Kazuya's words roll around in his head before he tilts his head to look at him.] Have you? Gotten what you need, I mean.
[There's no chance of it, for him -- not in his mind. Not with Lightning worlds away and his prophecy currently unfulfilled. He won't see Yeul again like this. But...maybe he's curious. A bit.]
[Has he? Probably not. Not in the context of the vines that wind their way through his lungs, and definitely not sort of any closure that would have come from going home instead of landing here.
So he shakes his head.]
Not really, but there's still time, I think.
[Things he needs to work towards. Things he needs to figure out.]
I guess I should tell you some stuff in return, huh?
[There's still time, huh? There's something about that wording that Noel resonates with -- resonates with so much it almost hurts. He had thought the same, before...everything. He'd been ready and willing to live his life in a different time, to just...be. He thought he had plenty of time, too. Until he didn't.
But that's not the kinda thing you just say to someone.
He looks at Kazuya for a second, surprise in his expression, and then...he nods.] Sure, yeah. If you want, I mean. I owe you now, anyway.
[What's something harmless he can say? Something that he doesn't actually think of as too big of a secret, but one that he's been harbouring none the less. It's pretty strange, to think if it like that, after what Noel offered him, but...
Well. He doesn't know him all that well, yet.]
I'm actually afraid of going home, some days. I'm not really sure how much I want to leave this place, even though I also know I want to very badly.
[Not only for leaving the people here behind, but because that means he has to face the reality that he'd brought about back home too. It's scary, that prospect. Here? He's basically no one, even with as much power as he has.]
[He blurts it out almost automatically, with a tinge of judgment in his tone; Noel hasn't been here long enough to make a lasting connection, and with so much he needs to do in his own world, so many things waiting for him...
...
He can't keep up that biting look, though. Who's he to judge someone for finding a home? He was fully prepared to do the same, once he and Serah corrected the timeline. Settling down in a different time and place...didn't seem so bad, when everything was said and done. And-- he'd be singing a very different tune, too, if he'd never seen his own prophecy. Maybe he'd be happier to ride out the end of days in a place like this.
So his expression softens on an exhale.] ...No-- sorry. I can't say I get it, but everyone has their own reasons to feel whatever way about this place. [And to feel conflicted, too.] Sounds like you got something big waiting for you back home, though.
[Wow, judgey? But Kazuya can't blame him. There's plenty of people here who want to go home. He's one of them, a lot of the time. ]
It's not that I don't want to go home. It's just that I don't really know what I'm going home too. Things are a mess there for me, and this place is kind of like... A break, before I have to deal with that reality, you know? It gives me time to gather my thoughts and think about things, about what I should or shouldn't do when I finally do manage to make it back.
[It's not an easy thing to admit. But it is something he is admitting. A secret for a secret, and the constrictive feeling in his lungs does actually ease up, even if he feels awkward telling someone about something like this.]
And... There's people here who I like being around too. I've made friends here, ones that I won't be able to just see again so easily when I do leave.
[Okay, that part? That part, Noel understands. Brows pinched in a line, he sighs; whatever fight or judgment he had left about the confession disappears.]
Alright. I get that part. The mess.
[He's desperate to get home for a similar reason -- because Nova Chrysalia is done for, the end of days really is just days away, and even though his prophecy is supposed to make a new world possible...there's still that doubt. What if he fails? It wouldn't be the first time. What if Lightning is stronger than he thought? What if...what if...
He can't think about it right now.]
Must be hard. Thinking about losing friends if you leave.
It is... That's why I'm not too keen on leaving, just yet, at least. If the opportunity happens, then sure, I'll take it, but... I'd prefer to also at least say goodbye first.
[ Maybe that makes it harder, but at the same time, he knows there'd be regrets on his end if he'd somehow escaped this place without saying his goodbyes.
It'd be unbearable. It'd eat away at him, he knows it.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@belheir
They...
[He's stumped, there. Because there's no good answer; do any of them care about each other, anymore? About anything? Snow seems perfectly content to wallow in the hollow decadence he's built up in Yusnaan. Sazh is gone. Hope is gone. And that's the one that hurts most. Hope is gone, disappeared, with no note or reason.
It hurt. More personally and more deeply than Noel was willing to let on.]
... I've got plenty of sense I'd like to shake into some of them, if I had the chance. [Snow could stand a couple of hits. For Hope -- he just wants to know why.] Doesn't matter so much now, though, right? I'm here. They're not.
[He sounds dismissive, like it's no big deal to just shut down a whole reasonable conversation. Which it is; Kazuya makes a reasonable point. Maybe that's why he does it. It's hard to look your mistakes in the eye.
Then, after a sigh, he adds:] You know what? It does feel better. Guess that really is how you deal with this.
no subject
Awkwardly enough.]
They weren't kidding about the cure, but I'm glad you feel better. And I hope that maybe you'll get what you need here.
[Closure, or something like it. There's always a chance that whoever it is shows up, and maybe then Noel and whoever can talk about it.]
no subject
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do more of it.
For now, he lets Kazuya's words roll around in his head before he tilts his head to look at him.] Have you? Gotten what you need, I mean.
[There's no chance of it, for him -- not in his mind. Not with Lightning worlds away and his prophecy currently unfulfilled. He won't see Yeul again like this. But...maybe he's curious. A bit.]
no subject
[Has he? Probably not. Not in the context of the vines that wind their way through his lungs, and definitely not sort of any closure that would have come from going home instead of landing here.
So he shakes his head.]
Not really, but there's still time, I think.
[Things he needs to work towards. Things he needs to figure out.]
I guess I should tell you some stuff in return, huh?
no subject
But that's not the kinda thing you just say to someone.
He looks at Kazuya for a second, surprise in his expression, and then...he nods.] Sure, yeah. If you want, I mean. I owe you now, anyway.
no subject
Well. He doesn't know him all that well, yet.]
I'm actually afraid of going home, some days. I'm not really sure how much I want to leave this place, even though I also know I want to very badly.
[Not only for leaving the people here behind, but because that means he has to face the reality that he'd brought about back home too. It's scary, that prospect. Here? He's basically no one, even with as much power as he has.]
no subject
[He blurts it out almost automatically, with a tinge of judgment in his tone; Noel hasn't been here long enough to make a lasting connection, and with so much he needs to do in his own world, so many things waiting for him...
...
He can't keep up that biting look, though. Who's he to judge someone for finding a home? He was fully prepared to do the same, once he and Serah corrected the timeline. Settling down in a different time and place...didn't seem so bad, when everything was said and done. And-- he'd be singing a very different tune, too, if he'd never seen his own prophecy. Maybe he'd be happier to ride out the end of days in a place like this.
So his expression softens on an exhale.] ...No-- sorry. I can't say I get it, but everyone has their own reasons to feel whatever way about this place. [And to feel conflicted, too.] Sounds like you got something big waiting for you back home, though.
[That part, he gets.]
no subject
It's not that I don't want to go home. It's just that I don't really know what I'm going home too. Things are a mess there for me, and this place is kind of like... A break, before I have to deal with that reality, you know? It gives me time to gather my thoughts and think about things, about what I should or shouldn't do when I finally do manage to make it back.
[It's not an easy thing to admit. But it is something he is admitting. A secret for a secret, and the constrictive feeling in his lungs does actually ease up, even if he feels awkward telling someone about something like this.]
And... There's people here who I like being around too. I've made friends here, ones that I won't be able to just see again so easily when I do leave.
no subject
Alright. I get that part. The mess.
[He's desperate to get home for a similar reason -- because Nova Chrysalia is done for, the end of days really is just days away, and even though his prophecy is supposed to make a new world possible...there's still that doubt. What if he fails? It wouldn't be the first time. What if Lightning is stronger than he thought? What if...what if...
He can't think about it right now.]
Must be hard. Thinking about losing friends if you leave.
no subject
[ Maybe that makes it harder, but at the same time, he knows there'd be regrets on his end if he'd somehow escaped this place without saying his goodbyes.
It'd be unbearable. It'd eat away at him, he knows it.]