oracledriven | Private Channel: RYSLIG

*** vietnam has joined xxx.xx.xxx.xx

[It's safe to say that only now does Vietnam know the extent of Noel's suffering. She didn't quite make sense of his time jumps or world traveling. But now that she has discovered he lived for 500 years, not at all used to the process, she gets it. She saw him for what he once was. She now has seen for what he has become, and she knows exactly how it felt.

Noel has grown prickly (understatement) throughout those years. Time like that can drive any normal human mad. It's a wonder that all he's doing is pushing them away, that's rather tame. She needs to talk to him, show him that he doesn't have to suffer that anymore. Besides, she was an intruder; seeing memories she shouldn't be allowed to see. He deserved to know that too.]

Hello, Noel? Do you have time?

[If he doesn't answer, she'll actually just show up.]

Edited 2015-04-01 13:58 (UTC)

[He's not okay. He's aware enough to know that. After what happened, being back in his own body is the lesser evil, but that doesn't make him okay. He probably hasn't been even since he got here (got back here, he reminds himself). Memories are still coming back to him, but those recent events --drowning, choking down water, fighting for death, practically begging for it-- snapped many things back into clarity.

The message indicator sound wakes him from a restless sleep. It takes him a moment to remember where he is; strangely, when he realizes it's not Luxerion, part of him is relieved. He reads the message...but then hesitates to respond. He hasn't spoken to anyone yet about those shared memories -- hasn't yet worked up the nerve to. But he knows her; he knows that she won't just let it go if he doesn't respond. So it takes him a while, but he eventually does write back.]

hey. [What does he call her, now? Knowing who, and what, she is, "Vietnam" just seems...strange.] yeah. what's up? I have time.

[For five hundred years, he's had nothing but time.]

Edited 2015-04-01 15:39 (UTC)

[She sighs in relief when she sees his message. He is willing. That or he knows her well enough by now that she will not let this end without a discussion. 500 years and he still knows. That is rather good to know, the only good thing to know midst all this tragedy.

She wonders, like how she saw his memories, did he see any other?]

I would like to talk. Are you willing to meet up? I will go to you.

[Talk...? It's probably for the best, or at least, that's what he tries to convince himself of. The reality of it, though, is that he's just no good at talking, these days. Especially about things like this. He's seen her memories, after all -- it's a fair assumption to think she's probably seen some of his.

...That? That just makes it all worse.]

all right. i'll be at the lake.

[And true to his word, he waits out there, occasionally pacing up and down the shore. He brought his laptop, too, but left it by the house, largely ignoring it.]

[Well, the hurdle has been leaped over, he has agreed to meet up with her. And so she will, because this is something that cannot just be discussed over a laptop. You can run, end a conversation, just stop it before it reaches somewhere that one could consider dangerous.

With his memories, there are plenty of chances for him to run.

After disconnecting from his channel, she immediately heads towards the lake, and finds him walking along the shoreline, just near the lake house. She quickens her steps in order to meet up with him.]

Noel! I hope I did not leave you waiting for too long.

[He hears her from a long way off. Enhanced sense of hearing -- he's still getting used to that again. Still has a little trouble sleeping because of it. Sure, he could run. He certainly wants to. But you can only run from things like this for so long, and only so far -- working with Snow and Hope had taught him that. You can never really be at peace with things like that hanging over you.

It's a little jarring to see Vietnam as she is now, the way this place has changed her, after seeing the way she was in her memories. He offers a small nod in greeting, and then shakes his head.]

Don't worry about it. I wasn't waiting that long.

[Then, a pause. He knows what she wants to talk about, but first--] ...You alright? After everything that happened, I mean.

[It's a good thing he was expecting her in any case, that helps a lot. And she's grateful that he didn't bolt either because of that.

Looking at his taller form, she can only think that he's been lonely for so long. Eighteen years was suffering enough. What about about another 500? She had her people and family. He had no one.

And still, he worries more for others.]

I'm fine. Not exactly the best of days, but it is not something I cannot handle. [She's had centuries of life too, and some with a Whole Lot of Shit. What's another couple of days?]

What of yourself, Noel? Did you...I mean you look well now, but really during that time.

[Now that he can believe. And he admires that, really, even though he probably won't admit it. But when she turns the question around on him, he hesitates.]

It was a rough week. [The comment is dry, somewhat sarcastic. In truth, he doesn't really want to answer -- not in any great detail, at least. Not because he doesn't trust her, but...he has trouble talking about himself already, and now that she knows...whatever she knows about him? That makes it harder. Makes him uneasy. Because --as she very well might understand, now, for all he knows-- bad things tend to happen to people that get close.

...But she's also the type of person who won't care. Like Serah, like Yeul. And after a moment, with resignation, he adds:] I'll be okay. "During that time"...I guess I fared just about as well as anyone.

[Which is to say, "not at all." He's not okay right now, and he knows it. But he also knows he will be. He doesn't really have much of a choice. He eyes her for a moment, hesitant, because he can barely wrap his head around the question he wants to ask.] You-- [He cringes; there's no delicate way to do this.] You're not...human, right? What are you?

[A rough week. It would be amusing if not for the fact that it was serious. He probably shared with others who had tragic lives too. It could be that he was lke her; there were more in his head.]

A rough week is very accurate. [He's right though, she doesn't care if he says that people who get close to him will suffer a terrible fate. If she feared these kind of things, she would've achieved nothing.] I am glad that it is all over now. Though I have learned much about you...and...

[She stalls. Because the way he looks at her, it means he experienced her time. It probably didn't stress him out as it did others, since he is, in a way, an immortal, but he never knew what she was in the first place.]

I am a country. Or, should I say a human form linked to a country, one named Vietnam. You probably saw my memories too then.

[He's had a lot of time to himself. A lot of time to build up a wall to keep his guilt deep inside, to keep other people out. But when she says that ("I have learned much about you..." she says it so carefully), the wall very visibly cracks, and uncertainty, maybe even fear, is written all over his face. Until now, Snow, Hope, and Sazh have been the only ones who really understood the extent of what he's been through -- no, the extent of what he's done. That just made it all worse, though, in the end.

...It's not going to last long, he's sure, but he's glad for the change in subject. Having your memories exposed like this -- it feels like he's been put under a microscope.]

...Yeah. I did. Sorry. [He offers a slight apologetic look. No, it wasn't his fault, but it still feels like he's pried into something that's private. Nonetheless, she's willing to talk about it, so he doesn't feel so bad about asking a few questions.

So, you... [This is really tough to process -- give him a second.] So when you say your name is Vietnam, that's the country's name, too. I-- [;;] How...does that work?

[Vietnam, and all her colleagues, are like celebrities, back home. Almost everyone knew who they were, knew their stories. Having her memories seen by others does not bother her as much, even if there were some personal ones she'd rather keep secret. But her history is known to all.

She would understand that other humans would feel this as an invasion of privacy, and she is very sorry for it happening. But she does not mind that others has seen hers. It helps them understand her. And now, seeing other memories help her understand them. Like Noel.]

That is fine. Now you know what I am, you understand that I worry not about having my history known. You can ask more questions. [She's had to answer many from those who know she is a country.]

Vietnam is the name given to the country. The mass of land with the citizens living on it. I've had many names, and that is only one of them. So, in a way, I use the name that is given to the country by the people, being that I am the country. If tomorrow the name should change, I will no longer be called Vietnam.

But how to describe my existence...[She taps her chin.] I was chosen. When a country forms an identity thanks to its people and history, someone is chosen to represent that. Like a spirit. We grow with it, and many things may change, whether we agree with it or not.

[It's strange, he thinks, how much that makes sense. If a name changes, it changes -- simple as that. Or is it simple?

The only way he can get his head around it is to think of the fal'Cie. They're a little similar, in a way, though in his world, more likened to gods. Maybe that's the problem. If Pulse had an entity, not a god but a spirit, like what she is, or if Cocoon did...he wonders, for a second, what kind of person they would be. If it was someone like her, maybe Pulse wouldn't have gone the way it did.

There's really no way to know, is there?]

"Chosen." [He looks at her for a moment.] Does that mean you were human once?

[She would help answer that, now she knows what his world is like. Although, the details of each still needs explanation, since she encountered his memories, but not quite everything. It's still somewhat disjointed, because everything she saw was through his eyes.

Was she human once, though? She often wondered about this. They die, when their existence changes. She's seen some die. Rome. A great man who treated her like a niece whenever he came to visit China during times of trade. He taught her a few things himself.]

I don't quite remember. It's been too long. [She sighs sadly. Perhaps the others remember; they just never talk about it.] But once our life as a country ends, we live and die as humans. [This she's known from some of Japan's tales, of NicoNico. A young man who wanted to be a nation, and did. Yet after a while, the nation no longer is one, and he returned to a normal human life, having a wife and child.]

Do you remember the name I had when I was a human? And your cousin. [She laughs, that was a riot.] It is the name I chose for myself. I'm surprised this place knew of it to share to you.

Edited (I CAN SPELL I SWEAR) 2015-04-23 16:43 (UTC)

[He offers a faint, stiff nod at her response, because he understands, at least a little, how long too long means. Her version of it is much longer than his, though, and for a moment he's left wondering how long he would be able to handle life, like that. Because to be honest, when he learned that the world was going to end, his very first reaction was relief.]

...I see.

[Thinking back to that, the false memories and family, he can't help a faint smile. It feels like a long time ago, now.]

Sen. That was it, right?

[Thinking about her words, though, about the implication of them, the smile fades away; he looks away thoughtfully, frowning a bit. There are still things lurking in his memory that he doesn't realize he remembers: the underground arcade, the picture of Caius, the words on screen ("will you save him?") -- those come back to him now.] These gods seem to know plenty about us. When that underground room appeared in October, they showed me a picture of someone I knew. Someone from home -- from Pulse. They shouldn't have known anything about that.

Edited 2015-04-30 16:51 (UTC)

[The way her strange time moved was a blessing, in a while. She could witness an entire life time, and it would feel just like it. But it would also be gone like it was yesterday. It was something not many could understand, which is why it is maddening. But she can appreciate it, like humans would. It is just too difficult to explain, but why she could understand it being unnerving to someone who only just witnessed. She was only but a child, the best time for anyone to experience anything.]

It is Sen. [She offers a smile too. It was nice, that time. They were at peace, even though everything was fake.]

They did the same to myself as well. My sister was displayed to me. I wasn't surprised that they knew; if the Fog God can reach into the fabrics of time and space and take us, they must have some information on us too.

[For anyone else, maybe it would've been a little less of that -- unnerving. For Noel, though? The life he's been living has been anything but good, prosperous, or successful. It's been more like some kind of half-existence, stuck somewhere between life and death. Other people get by. That's their right. Him? He can't move past the fact that it's all his doing.]

My-- [...friend, he stops himself from saying.] Someone I know -- he saw a sister, too.

[His eyes are on the lake, arms folded over his chest.] It wasn't the first time they did something like that, either. Showing us visions of things from home. Seems like they're trying to get a rise out of us, sometimes.

[Wouldn't surprise him at all if that does turn out to be the case.]

[If there's anything she can relate with him, it's also his loneliness. It's definitely something she can see weighing on him, adding to the fact that he blames himself when everything was put onto his shoulders.]

Saw a sister too, hmm. [Family and loved ones indeed. She heard of a few who did cave.]

Yes, so it has happened very often. I wonder why. The Fog God, understandable, why he would do this. Yet why would the other? If he is truly on our side, he would know not to threaten us.

[He's silent for a moment, mulling over the options. Mulling over the particular way she's phrased that. Gods warring with each other, and humanity caught in the middle of it. It's not unfamiliar.]

Honestly? I doubt that either of them is on our side.

[Both of them have threatened harm and promised power. That's not something you do when you have someone else's interests at heart.]

They've both got their own agendas, and we're either assets or collateral damage.

Private Channel: RYSLIG

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, NOEL. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 018.07.154.55 * SHADOWHUNTER** has joined 018.07.154.55